A few minutes ago, I attempted a jackbox stream which failed, which inturn made me stream a rant about youtube. which inturn lead me here.
I did get a few things off my chest but I'm still pissed off at the fucking algorhythmic circlejerk known has Youtube.
And the reason I'm putting this on my website is so the corpate blowjob givers at Google can't take down my frustrations of nearly 10 years chasing the dragon.
First of all, my youtube journey started at 6 years old when I uploaded my first youtube video under my mum's account, It was a video of me talking to the camera and that's all I can remember. It's still on youtube, and you can find it if you know my mum's first and last name.
I then started to upload under the name "Swag Panda Gaming" since my favourite animal was pandas, and swag was still a socially acceptible term in society instead of a mix of slurs.
There's multiple accounts with the same name because I kept breaking my many tablets and I also kept forgetting my google emails once i got new tablets eventually.
Then I rebranded from "Swag Panda Gaming" to "Seanie's Revenge". I'm not sure why I would be getting my revenge but that's what I called myself.
I had many usernames over the years and those names were:
EnglishSeanie
RatWithAGun
Panachiko
SewerShrimp
and that's all I remember.
There was also hareswithfilthyweapons which was a variation of my current username.
But despite finally choosing one username, one thing was still clear. I wasn't getting attention.
Obviously a part of human nature is the need for attention and we want nothing more than to see our name plastered on the Hollywood Walk where dogs piss and shit and assholes litter on it.
And this also goes out for any social media, Stop chasing the dragon. Currently, I try to have the mindset of letting the fame find me instead of chasing it down, but ever since nobody would join I've resorted back to thinking I'm Sisyphus with a phone camera on a mountain of knives while I'm strapped into a machine that fucks me over.
Social media can fuck with your mental health in horrible ways. I didn't mean for this to turn philospohical, but when your career choice is posting videos expecting 40 views, You'd be pissed too knowing that your gambling away your future on an algorhythm designed specifacally to fuck you while your down.
I was so young and wholesome expecting the world to carry me by their shoulders, but now I'm in a parasocial relationship with a celebrity saying I'm married with kids on a wiki about myself.
So don't be surprised if you see me at the McDonald's counter in Broadheath contenplating whether I should keeping making Big Macs for ungrateful school children or kill myself and tell my family about the importance of wearing a fucking condom.
Rabbitron out.